Happy Holidays and the Spirit of Giving...

Dear family and friends...

I have been so busy at work that I haven't had a chance to move forward on the book. It's actually all done, waiting to be proofread and shipped off to the printers.

But I do still need help with regards to funding the book. I will of course still get it published, but I am continuing in this quest (some say experiment in social networks given the Facebook group) to raise funding from the larger community.

To this end, please do forward the link to this blog and the FB group to all your friends who might be interested in this, [particularly those who lives are touched in some way by cancer).

Junior and I wish you a blessed Christmas and the happiest New Year.

Patrick Swayze -- another good guy gone...

Patrick Swayze, one of my favourite Hollywood types passed today. He was battling pancreatic cancer. Patrick fought the good fight for 20 long months, even completing one season of The Beast (pic above) whilst undergoing therapy.

We all first fell in love with Patrick and a young Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing, but I remember him most for two roles: Ghost and Road House.






Bye bye Patrick, say hello to Jennifer and Randy for us.

I have a renewed fervor to fight this disease and to see its eradication in our lifetime!

Randy's First

Today is a year since Randy Pausch left us.

Like millions of others the world over, Randy’s Last Lecture touched me in ways I honestly cannot explain. Soon after watching the lecture on YouTube I started communicating with Randy, telling him about the impact he made in my life, and how we had this “cancer” connection with each other.

Randy wrote sparingly, as you would imagine a man who counted seconds. But I do remember one very poignant note he sent me, where he said he was “just about out of time…”

I broke down and cried. I read and reread the email. It brought back memories of the last weeks of Jennifer’s life, when I knew in my heart that we had but moments left.

Then the news came, a year ago today. I mourned for Randy; I grieved very deeply for him. It was as if I had lost yet another loved one to cancer.

I hate this disease so much. It has torn a hole in my soul. If I could, I would dedicate my life to fighting this disease – I have in my own little way, but it is never enough.

I try to live life based on many of Randy’s isms: “just how we play the hand” “Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome” “Loyalty is a two-way street” and many, many more.

Once in a while when I feel lost, lonely and depressed, I load up Randy’s video and I sit there for one hour, sixteen minutes and twenty-seven seconds in awe. And I find my spirit lifted, I have laughed and cried and laughed some more with Randy and all at CMU on that fateful day. I especially look out for Jai, and light up when she comes forward for the cake. I felt a connection with her because she was a fellow caregiver, because she now too knows the sense of emptiness of loss from losing a wonderful, wonderful spouse. I still visit Randy's website almost everyday, hoping to find an update on the family...

Randy, I know you are in heaven, because one as good, who suffered so much must be in a place where you continue to look over your loved ones and enjoy their achievements, living up to their childhood dreams and realizing their fullest potential as the most wonderful people God wanted them to be.

Just as I know that Jennifer watches over us, and can feel her presence at times I believe Randy also watches over his loved ones.

To Jai, Dylan, Logan and Chloe, I hope this anniversary is filled with much peace and happiness, I know the loss, and the grief is hard, but in time, you will be able to fill this painful space with the love your husband/father had for you.

Cancer may have claimed Randy your beloved from this side of heaven, but it will never ever diminish his great love for you. And know this, like millions throughout the world, our thoughts and prayer and love are with you today.

A “What The…” Moment

To date, only 5 people have ventured to give. A total of RM7,500 (US$2.15K). That’s only 10% of our goal.

Wow! Or rather, OUCH.

I’m actually not sure why this effort has not received more support.

Is it the ongoing global economic crisis? (That’s a tough one to comment on)
Is it that cancer is less relevant? (Can’t be, as 1 in 3 people will have some form or other of cancer by 2020).
Or is the political situation (particularly in Malaysia where we live) captivating everyone’s attention that they do not feel as moved to contribute to a cause like this. (Malaysians, like me, are jaded)

Or as mentioned by TY, perhaps it is simply too difficult to transfer money to an account. (Should I set up the PayPal Donation thingy?)

Or maybe it is because there are skeptics who believe we can’t possibly do this. (To people in this category, I say, wait and see the results in 3 months time!)

Whatever the case may be, I am honestly thinking of giving up this public call for funds and go the publisher route, which would not be ideal at all.

Let me outline the reasons why I would rather NOT do so:

1. Publishers are in the business of producing and selling books for a profit. We intend NOT to profit from this. (Proceeds will be donated)

2. Publishers will extensively edit and ensure a book is “commercially viable” – I am writing from the heart and will share all the deepest, darkest fears and experiences, to ensure you know what it means to be a caregiver, so you can indeed be the BEST caregiver you can.

3. Publishers want to control the distribution – we intend to have the book freely available in cancer clinics throughout Malaysia (apart from the quantities that are sold, proceeds of which will be donated)
I must accord appreciation to those who have pointed me to printers and those who have offered to print this book for cheaper than I mentioned – I assure you we will explore all opportunities and get back to each and everyone of you.

However, our goal remains the same. RM75,000 (US$21.5K). If we find a cheaper alternative, we will then print more books so as to give more copies away freely. We will stay the course.

Who might naturally be interested in giving?

I would imagine the first group of people would be those who know us personally. Family friends of ours. Jennifer’s friends (and she had so many). Friends from church.

The second group would be people whose lives have been or are touched by cancer. In particular someone who has cared for someone with terminal disease. Or a survivor who understands how difficult the journey can be.

The third group might be corporations or institutions that would benefit from being a part of this cause. Perhaps as a form of CSR, or perhaps they are looking to partner with us to promote better care giving.

I need your help in indentifying who might be interested and perhaps being our “agent” in reaching out to your respective circles. For our friends, please get together with other friends and come together to help. For those who may not know us, please read our blogs, FB page and get to know us – perhaps that might help build some greater level of comfort and encourage you to give.

For those who might know corporations who would be interested in talking to us, please do drop me a note.

My dear friends, I appeal to you to help us do this!

For the few who have so generously contributed, both Junior and I are thankful. For those who are hesitant, please do give what you can and share in our mission. I must accord my thanks to See Chyn and Aik Loon for being so very generous and having the distinction of being the top donors to this cause. Aik Loon recently lost his mum to cancer as well, and our thoughts and prayers are with him and his family...

Warmest love, choicest blessing!

2 Michaels

What would you do if your loved one had Cancer?

Do you know what to do immediately after the diagnosis? Would you know what to say? How do you keep your loved one positive, even if all you want to do is run and hide?

What questions might you ask your Doctor? What form of therapies should you push for? And what should you ignore?

How do you put aside your own pain, when faced with your loved ones suffering?



I answer these questions and more in the book.

Please help me publish it. Donate what you can to be a part of this effort to help caregivers, who are often left out of the equation when it comes to cancer care.

I am even more enthused than ever now to push very hard for this after all the wonderful e-mails I have received since starting this effort! I know in my heart that this book will make a difference in the lives of those who care for their loved ones with cancer.

Here is what M from the US said: "I have been looking for a book just like this since my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in March this year, please hurry up and get this done"

In the next few days I will update this blog and post some sample chapters from the book. So please do bookmark this blog and drop by again. And oh yes, please give generously... we really need your help!

Please do write to me here or on Facebook I look forward to hearing from you~



Love and warmth!

2Michaels

Thank you for stopping by!

I need your help to get “HELP! My wife has Cancer… A Practical Guide to Becoming the BEST Caregiver for Your Loved Ones with Cancer” published.


Please read on for why I have written this book, how you can help me get it published and complete details on the bank accounts for the contribution.

God bless!

Your kind words!

I have received so many e-mails, messages and calls these last few days since i posted this blog. I feel happy to be back in the thick of cancer activism. As some of you know, I founded an NGO for cancer advocacy which is now run by others.

I am so enthused about this book, mainly because it will provide first hand experience to a person who is acting as caregiver to a cancer survivor. I wish a book like this existed when I was going through it all!

Anyway, whilst a lot of excitement has been generated, sadly, there is no movement on the funds save for the RM25,000 I have banked in as my contribution and a RM100 contribution from someone (please do e-mail me so I can send you your LIVESTRONG wrist bracelet).

Perhaps it is a sign of the times we live in. Or maybe as a friend of mine said: you are too subtle in asking for money.

Whatever the case may be, here goes: please contribute money for me to get this book published and all the proceeds given to cancer charities. I am reluctant to work with traditional publishers (a few have approached me) because they do not share in our charitable visions, and the quantities are relatively small.

Once again I appeal to you to take a moment and please do give what you can to help. As mentioned in an earlier post, I will reward all contributors with either a LIVESTRONG wrist bracelet, an autographed copy of the book or Acknowledgements (if you so wish) depending on the level of contribution.

So friends, please reach into your pockets and give!

My thanks, God bless and may you all have a great weekend...

The Back Story

Randy Paush, in his "Last Lecture" said: my dad always taught me that when there’s an elephant in the room, introduce them. So here goes the back story. In November 2004, our lives changed forever. We discovered that Jennifer had Stage IV metastatic cancer, which originated from the lungs and traveled to her brain.

She (and we in that respect) were given between 4 to 6 months.

It hit us like the proverbial ton of bricks. Here was a woman who exercised religiously, who ate right and in all intents and purposes was fitter than most of us. Yes, she had history of cancer in her family. Yes, she smoked when she was younger. Yes, she had a stressful job. But NO, this was entirely unexpected.

Jennifer, the world-class fighter she was decided to take on the cancer and FIGHT! So we did. We fought so very hard, exploring all types of therapy, researching like crazy all sorts of cures and praying incessantly. Jennifer underwent 3 surgeries (including cutting-edge gamma knife surgery), countless hours of chemo and all natures of alternative meds. We kept at it.

She outlived her prognosis by a year, often in excruciating pain in her last months. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to live through, and till this day, remains the most extraordinary experience in my life.

Jennifer passed in March 2006 when the morphine no longer helped, when her other organs were "invaded" as well. She never gave up though. Even to the very end, she held on to the hope for a cure, whilst accepting that the ultimate healing might be death. She felt her son needed her. She felt I needed her. She was worried for her aging mum. She wanted to see her younger sister married and "taken care of". She had a full to-do list for others.

I began the book when she was initially diagnosed and now, some 3 years after her passing, am happy enough with what I have written to publish it.

Jennifer I believe lived exceedingly well. The book in part honours her memory, but more than that I hope the book will help others in their journey...